StarWars: Atlantis
by Padfoot-001
Summary: John the farm boy must learn the ways of the GENE from Danny Boy on his adventure to stop the evil Lord Ba'al and save the beautiful Princess Teyla. ShWeir, Sheyla, McEyla, McWeir!
1. Chapter 1: Princess Teyla

WARNING: This story is extremely ridiculous and should not be read by anyone.

Note: Hello all, me again, back with another of my completly random and totally insane stories. This time its poor StarGate and StarWars that has taken a beating. Please be gentle, I'm very sensitive. I've tried to include most characters and I've tried to be kind to them all. Please read and review and remember that I love you all! shrugs It is very late and I do have work tomorrow. My brain is goo.

Disclaimer: Oh please, like I'm good enough to own StarGate or StarWars. Anything you notice to be property of either of these 2 things is obviously NOT mine as I am not George Lucas OR MGM. Thankyou.

**StarWars: Atlantis!**

John Sheppard wasn't a very good farmer. In fact, he sucked at it. His Aunt and Uncle, Bowen and Betsy Lawns, who had taken care of him for as long as he could remember, were great at it. They lived for it, which was probably why they owned a giant property in the middle of a desert on a planet called earth. Because, like any good farmer would know, there is always plenty of great water and plant life in the middle of a desert.

John always felt like he didn't belong on the farm. Perhaps it was that time his uncle got mad and told him that he didn't belong on the farm, or perhaps it was ... something else. Either way, he felt out of place. At the end of a hard days work he could often be found, standing on a grassy hill top in the middle of all that desert looking out at the big starry sky and that giant ball of a moon. Because that's what floated his boat, that's what tied his shoes, that's what made his cookie crumble ... space.

On this particular night, where this crazy story begins, John Sheppard could be found doing just that, standing on a hill looking out at the night sky. As he watched the twinkling stars he wondered if he could be the first person to see them all, the first person to get a great big space ship and fly off to all those stars that were probably unbreathable, untouchable and uninhabitable. Of course, this dream of his was looking mighty dull. After all, he was a 32 year old man still living at home with his Aunt and Uncle.

John sighed loudly as he remembered that dinner was at six, and his Aunt liked him to be there on time. He took one last longing look up at the stars and sighed loudly ... very loudly ... he's still sighing ... And with that, he turned around and headed for the small little bubble shapped house.

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One billion, kazillion, trillion light years away someone else was looking at the night sky and sighing rather loudly, fogging up the window through which she was looking. This was someone very important, someone who was being held prisoner against her will and desperatly needed help. This was Princess Teyla Emmagan of the Athosian people and she was fairly ticked off.

Teyla had been enjoying a lovely, action packed stick fight with one of her people when she had been rudly kidnapped by a man with a funny voice. The man had stated his name was Lord Ba'al and that he was kidnapping her because she was a traitor. Teyla had never even met the man and was not part of any groups or secret organisations ... so of cause she had been uterly, uterly confused at how she could have possibly been a traitor. But she must have been for Lord Ba'al ... or Darth Ba'al, as he also liked to be called, had forced her to come along on his ship where she had been promised much pain and torture would befall her. Many of her people had also been kidnapped by the evil Lord Ba'al and those that remanied were blown up, along with her planet, by the evil Lord Ba'al's ridiculously large laser canon.

But all of that was not the reason for Princess Teyla being in such a bad mood. Moments ago she had sent a message out to her imprisoned people on the lower floors. Naturally, it was impossible for her to get a message through the guards, so she baked a cake. On the cake was some beautiful pink icing she had done herself, and on the pink icing in a beautiful ocean blue was the words 'GET YOUR ARSE UP HERE NOW AND HELP ME SEND FOR HELP!' With that done she had pleaded with one of Lord Ba'als guards to give it to her people as it was their birthday. All of them, all at once ... it was the Athosian way. Naturally, the guard loved birthdays and was happy to give her people the cake.

And so that was how her people had gotten her message. Now really, all they had to do was find a way to break through the solid metal bars that were holding them captive, get passed or kill over 40 armed guards and run through 12 floors of Lord Ba'als massive space ship to get to her. How hard could it be?

Half an hour later, the door to her cell burst open, broke off its hinges and flew across the room. Princess Teyla stood up, ready to defend herself. But it was not Lord Ba'al, or his evil henchmen that were standing at the door. No, it was a man and a boy. The man she had never seen before, but the boy ... the boy she recognised straight away. It was Jinto, the son of one of her most beloved people, who had been left behind on Athosia when it had been blown to smitherins.

'I was the only one small enough to fit through the bars, Princess Teyla,' Jinto said, leaping straight into the explanation of his absence. 'I knew I couldn't rescue you on my own, so I found this random stranger whom just happened to be walking around the evil Ba'als ship. I told him of our predicament and he came to your aid.'

The stranger looked at the boy strangely, was it just him or was the boy not speaking at all ... all that seemed to come out of his mouth was a whole heap of beeps and whirls. But this, Princess Teyla seemed to understand every word ... or, er, sound.

'Thankyou so much for coming to my aid ... Mr ...?' Princess Teyla began, realising she still didn't know the strange mans name.

'Errr, McKay,' the stranger, who is now no longer a stranger cause he has a name, said. 'Rodney McKay ... and I only came along because the boy showed me a picture of a beautiful blonde women who I was suposedly rescuing ... I'm a sucker for blondes you see and ...'

Princess Teyla kept smiling as the man continued to rant, she didnt want to seem rude.

'There are no blondes here Mr. McKay, I am sorry. Jinto only lied to you because out situation has grown rather ... desperate,' she explained. McKays eyes seemed to widen at the word desperate.

'Oh,' he said, 'I see.' He concidered running away, he could jump through the window and float away through space untill he reached somewhere safer, but then agan, this ... Princess Teyla, with her great lack of clothing was preety hot. Maybe if he helped in her rescue there would be something in it for him. He could always dye her hair and cut it short later. Maybe she would even let him call her Sam. Oh, how he loved that name ...

Rodney McKay realised he was drooling and that everyone was staring at him, including the dome shapped head of the boy called Jinto. 'Errrr, I guess I could help,' he said, quickly averting his eyes from the half naked Princess.

'Excellent,' Teyla said. And with that she walked up to Rodney, put her hands on his shoulders and head-butted him hard.

'Ouch! What the hell was that for,' Rodney cursed as he was knocked back into the wall by the force of Teyla's butt (I mean ... HEAD butt).

Teyla was very appologetic. 'I am so sorry Mr. McKay, that is the way my people say thanks. It is the Athosian way.'

'Well remind me not to go doing your folk any favours,' Rodney scowled, rubbing his throbbing head.

Princess Teyla appologized again and then she reached down her top and shuffled around for a bit. Rodney watched with wide eyes as she pulled out a small device.

'What is that?' he asked curiously.

'This,' Teyla said as she stepped closer to him, 'is a small recording device. On it is a plea for help that I recorded earlier and conveniently stashed away in my skimpy little top where Lord Ba'al would never think to look.'

This made Rodney wonder if this Ba'al fellow was a little queer. That would be the first place he would look!

Princess Teyla handed the recording device to Jinto. 'Please, you must take the escape pods outta here and take the message to the old hermit that lives in the caves on the farming desert on planet Earth.'

Rodney jumped at this. 'Earth,' he squeeled. 'That's where I'm from.'

'Good. Then you can help my young friend Jinto here find the place that I speak of.' Teyla looked at Rodney fondly then pointed to the open door way. 'Hurry ... go now ... go now and don't look back.'

Jinto let out a sad little bleep, that may have translated to something like 'goodbye,' to Princess Teyla. And with that he ran out the doorway.

Rodney began to follow but turned and took one last look at the women he was leaving behind. 'Will I ever see you again?' he asked, trying to fight back the tears.

'What does your heart tell you,' Teyla asked, moving in closer to the funny little man that stood in her door way.

'I hope so. Yes ... I guess,' he said frowning and stepping even closer to her.

'Then we will see each other again. NOW GO!' she screamed, making him jump. And with that he ran out into the corridor and out of her life ... for now.

Princess Teyla sighed loudly again and picked up the fallen door on her cell floor. She pulled out a small screwdriver set out of her tiny top and fixed it back onto the hinges so that Ba'al need never know that she had had visitors. If only she had had a brain in that slither of material that she calls a shirt so she could have been smart enough to escape rather then repair the door. Oh well, there would have been no story if she did.

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Rodney McKay rounded the corner and ran head long into the small dome headed boy. He beeped and whirred at him and took off down the corridor. Rodney guessed he wanted him to follow, so he did. Was it just him or was Jinto not moving his feet, it looked almost as though he was rolling along the hallway.

Just then, loud angry voices broke out and a laser blast just missed the top of Rodneys beautiful hair.

'Hey ... watch the hair,' he yelled, dodging another blast that was fired, this time missing his crotch by centimetres. It was then that Rodney knew his sex life, and therefore his entire life, was in great danger.

He ran faster, wishing that he had some sort of chocolate bar or salami stick with him so that he could eat and run at the same time. He had always wanted to do that.

'Run faster kid,' he yelled at Jinto who was still rolling along casually. The boy whistled indignantly and took a sharp right. Rodney folowed and found himself at a dead end. 'Oh, nice going idiot. Now what are we suposed to do?'

At that moment the floor gave way and Rodney found himself jammed into a tiny cubical ... his face inches away from Jintos butt. 'Don't even think it,' Rodney muffled, just to give the boy a fair warning.

Jinto let out one last happy whirl as whatever it was they were jammed in seemed to realease itself and hurtle through what could only be kilometres of space.

Rodney couldn't believe his squashed eyeball ... they were in an escape pod in space ... headed for some old hermit on his old home planet. He couldn't be more miserable.

end!

Note: That was chapter one ... what ya think. Kinda better then I expected actually, weird ey! Hope ya like it. Please review, I just like to know that people are reading and enjoying. Dont assume anything at the moment like, Telya/Rodney or Teyla/Sheppard or whatever ... the stories just begun and you never know what I might do next! Muhahahahaha!


	2. Chapter 2: Teal'c the Slave Pirate

Note: Wow, two chapters in one day, thats gotta be some sort of record for me, usually I'm very bad with updating my stories. I had to get through the most boring 41/2 ours of work ever with all these ideas for the story running through my head. REALLY not good. One customer thought it must be closing time as I was so destracted ... plus there was a lady walking backwards past our shop - that's right ... BACKWARDS! At least I know where I'm headed now and which character is which. So don't fret!

** Furlings are Cats:** Thanks for being my first reviewer, hurrah! And yes, I am sorry for the randomness, but try it sometime, it's really soothing just to write nonsence. And yes, there are plans for many more chapters, and although it's random I promise you theres a very good story and a terrific moral buried very, VERY deep.

** Only Memories:** Unfortunatly this isn't REALLY a Sheyla fic, but heck, it's not really anything. There will be Sheyla moments involved though as it is a VERY random fic and will have ... well, LOTS of RANDOMNESS!

** Orka:** I'm glad you thought it was 'col' don't know what it is, but bound to be good. And I dunno whats with his beautiful hair, just came out. It was written to focus on his thoughts and I'm sure he thinks he has beautiful hair, so it went in.

** fififolle:** Like the name, very confusing and hard to write. I liked the head butt too, hehehehe ... and I'm glad you used the word Jolly, it's a good word.

Disclaimer: Oh please, like I'm good enough to own StarGate or StarWars. Anything you notice to be property of either of these 2 things is obviously NOT mine as I am not George Lucas OR MGM. Thankyou.

**StarWars: Atlantis!**

**Chapter 2: Teal'c the Slave Pirate!**

Breakfast the next morning was not at all pleasent for John Sheppard. His Uncle had given him a long list of what needed to be done around the farm, expecting poor ol' John to get it all done before the day was over. John had not been happy. He was sick of farm work, tied of being 32 and still living at home, fed up with waking up every day to the same old thing and just plain pissed off that he had no life.

He had argued with his Uncle for hours at breakfast, between spoonfuls of his Aunts terrific home made porridge. Johns request was simple, all he wanted to do was to have one day off so that he could go to the city, spend the day there and maybe meet a girl or two. Get him a way from the rotten old farm, but his Uncle simply would not allow it. His Aunt had taken his side.

'Oh for heavens sake Bowen you old bat, let the boy spend a day in the city,' she had said. John winced at being called a boy.

'No,' was his Uncles answer.

'You can't keep him locked up forever you know, he needs to have time to explore and get away. There's just too much of his father in him,' his Aunt said.

Bowen growled at this. 'That's what I'm afraid of you stupid women,' he spat.

It was then that John knew he wasn't going to get his way. Whenever his mother and father were brought into the conversation he knew it wasn't going to end well. He never knew his mother, or his father and noone ever spoke about them, EVER! Which totally sucked, but John was used to it by now.

So after the argument and many bowls full of porridge, John reluctanlty made his way out into their massively deserted back yard to start some much needed farm work. He paused for a moment just to look up at the morning sky when he saw something that made him drop his shoe and say, 'what in all things frozen is THAT?'

It wasn't even that big a deal, mearely a flying star ... only problem was, you NEVER saw flying stars during the day ... okay, so I lied, maybe it was a big deal.

John took a few moments to watch the star shoot through the sky before - 'JOHN GET YOUR LAZY BUTT BACK TO WORK!' When next John looked back up at the sky he had lost track of the star. Once again he sighed loudly and got back to the list.

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Rodney McKay stood up slowly and rubbed his sore rear end. The small escape pod that the dumb little kid had put them in had crashed landed rather unceremoniously in the middle of a vast and baren land. Rodney didn't like the look of it ... there didn't seem to be any food for miles.

'Well I hope you're happy,' he said, squinting in the sun light as he took in the miles and miles of sand that surrounded them. 'We're in the middle of nowhere with no food and sore arses.'

Jinto let out a cranky beeping noise, which probably meant something like,'don't blame me you tiny, little man.'

McKay rolled his eyes. Of all the people he had to be stuck with, he landed a boy with a dome shapped head that couldn't speak english and whom was named Jinto. I mean, who calls there kid Jinto? He was beginning to wish he had stayed on the space ship with that Teyla women. She was no blonde, but man she had a good set of -

Jinto bleeped again and shoved past Rodney.

'Watch it ya little brat,' he said, but Jinto wasn't listening, he was off again, rolling along the sandy desert floor.

Rodney was determined not to follow, he didn't need the stupid kid, he could get along just fine without him. A howl echoed around the mountain tops that just happened to appear in the middle of the desert for this particular moment. Rodney shuddered, desert wolves ... how he hated those. There was nothing for it ...

'Jinto - wait for meeeee!' he sang as he ran after the strange boy.

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Teal'c was having a bad day. He had a listing of over 30 properties he had to visit and he only had 7 slaves to show to each one. And they were probably the worst 7 you could ever encounter. Two of them were mutes who had trouble following orders; another was a deaf aracnaphobiac who had no teeth and only 3 fingers; the next was a man named Blaire ... he was from Australia, an alcoholic; then came the armless man, the legless man and the headless man. Pathetic!

What Teal'c really needed was some slaves worth selling, some slaves that would at least make him a dollar or two, not these other toads who were good for nothing.

The large man kicked at the sand angrily then picked up his staff weapon and killed one of the mutes. He immediatly regretted it ... now he only had 6 pathetic slaves. 'Curse you Apophis,' he shouted, making all the slaves jump and huddle close. Teal'c didn't know who Apophis was, but it felt good to curse him. So he did it again ... and again ... untill, somehow, over his loud and thunderous voice, he heard other voices. Well at least one voice, the other voice seemed not to be a voice at all but a series of beeps and whirls. Teal'c thought this to be rather odd, so he stood up to take a look.

In the distance, fast approuching was a man and a boy. They seemed to be arguing over something, the mans voice was raised and the boys beeps had turned into angry blurps. One thing was for certain though, they were definitely lost ... Teal'c knew this because at that exact point the man, who happened to raise his voice loud enough for Teal'c to hear, said, 'great, now we're lost!'

Immediatly Teal'c tightened his grip on the staff weapon and approauched the two newcomers. If they were lost, they were as good as his.

Rodney, who was busy arguing with the boy Jinto, did not see the extremely large, bald, black man that stood out like a sore thumb, who was walking towards him.

'Halt,' Teal'c said in his booming voice, making Rodney jump and Jinto squeel. 'You are trespassing on my land and therefore give me the right to capture the two of you and make you my slaves. Do you have owners?'

Rodney blinked several times before finally finding the right words to say to the man. 'What the hell are you talking about?' he asked rather dramatically. Jinto let out a small whirl. Although Rodney couldn't understand the boy, he gathered that that was his way of agreeing or approving of what Rodney had asked.

'That's just what I thought,' Teal'c said and before Rodney knew what was happening, Teal'c raised one extremely muscular arm with one rather heavy and nasty looking staff weapon in toe, and brought it crashing down on the top of Rodney's head. The next thing Rodney saw was complete and utter darkness.

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'John!' John tried to ignore his Uncle's call. He wasn't in the mood to have more orders barked at him.

'John, answer your Uncle please!' This time it was his Aunt calling to him. He sighed, but still didn't respond.

'John, can you please come inside!' His Uncle again, wasn't he ever going to give up.

'John can you bloody go inside so the rest of us can have some peace and quiet,' his next door neighbour yelled as he threw an orange at Johns head.

John picked up the orange and threw it at the sandy ground rather dramatically. It splatted into billions upon billions of gooey peices ... somehow. This made John feel a little better.

'You answer me next time I call you, boy,' his Uncle said angrily as John finally showed up at the house.

'I was busy,' John said.

'With what? Star gazzing again ... pathetic.' John ignored his Uncle as he continued. 'I have another job for you to do. We need to go pick out our slaves.'

'Slaves? What slaves?' John asked, slightly shocked. Slaves were for farmers who didn't have enough workers to lend them a hand. John and his Uncle had taken care of the farm on their own for as long as John could remember.

'The slaves that we're going to go pick up. Now go get ready,' his Uncle said.

But John wanted to know something first. 'But what do we need slaves for?'

His Uncle paused and looked slightly perplexed. 'Your Aunt wanted me to hire some extra help so that you could have more free time. And seeing as though I can't afford to pay anyone else, I'm getting slaves. That way they can work for free, how lucky are they.'

John was so happy he ignored his Uncles last statement. His Uncle was finally getting some extra farm hands. Which meant that he would have more free time to himself, to explore, to party ... to meet girls ...

'So hurry up and lets get moving, don't have all day you know.'

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Jinto had had to tell Rodney about the predicament that they currently found themselves in and Rodney wasn't happy. Not because they were slaves of the evil slave pirate, Teal'c, whom were to be sold cheeply and forced to work, but because he couldn't understand a word the little shrimp was saying. He had to get the legless man to try and translate for him.

'But I don't want to be sold,' Rodney, who didn't want to be sold, said. 'I want to be back on the ship of Darth Ba'al with that hot Athosian, Princess Teyla.'

But noone was listening to him, for by that time they were all lined up side by side, by Teal'c with a whip, ready to be sold to the highest bider.

Rodney couldn't believe that only yesterday he had been prancing around in his livng room in boxer shorts and an, "I'm with Genius," T-shirt, as happy as Larry.

'Hurry up John, I'd like to pick our new slaves in THIS lifetime.' Rodney turned towards the old man that had just called him a slave. How dare he.

A man, with really unnecessary messy, black hair around about Rodney's age followed the old man. He had to admit, they looked a lot friendlier then Teal'c, if anyone was going to bye him, it had to be someone like these two. He decided to put on the charm as the old man and the messy, haired guy studied the drunk aussie closely.

'Hey, over here,' he said, clicking his fingers and waving his arms in the air. He was careful not to step out of his spot in the line. Teal'c was rather close and that whip looked awfully nasty.

'Hey Uncle, what about this one?' The black haired guy came closer to Rodney. His hair getting messier and messier as he approached.

'This one?' the Uncle asked. 'What's so great about this one John?'

'Well he has arms and legs for a start,' the man named John said, pointing to the other limless slaves. 'And he seems to be able to speek OUR language,' he added, signeling to Blaire the aussie.

'Hmmm, you have a point John ... just don't poke me with it. What can you do though?' the Uncle asked Rodney.

'Pfft, I think the question your looking for is what CAN'T I do, for you see I'm very tallented. Heck, I even know how to build an atomic bomb.' Rodney would have told the old man more, in fact he was going to, it was rather theropudic to talk about himself, but the old man cut him off.

'I've heard enough,' he said. 'I'll take this one and the aussie.'

'Y-you will?' Rodney said, a little shocked. He didn't think he could get that lucky. Teal'c and the old man went to sign some papers and in no time they were leaving. Rodney congratulated himself on a job well done - when he heard a sad little whirr sound behind him. He turned to see Jinto waving goodbye sadly.

Rodney hated children, he hated everything about them. But ... Jinto had grown on him. Even though he had only known him for over a few hours and could never understand him and could never keep up and could never ... nonetheless, he had grown on him. Sort of like a really ugle mole ... it was ugly, but it was yours - and it was attached - and it was there - and it was always going to be there, untill some plastic surgeon removed it or ...

'Hey, what the heck is wrong with you?' the old man said. Rodney spun around, thinking the old man was talking to him, but he wasn't, he was talking to Blaire the drunk aussie. He was on the ground and it almost seemed as though he had passed out. Rodney DID warn him not to drink the whole bottle of moonshine that he traded him with for his picture of a random cute blonde.

'You sold us a broken slave,' John said, stepping up to Teal'c. Teal'c rose himself to his full height.

'There are no refunds.'

'Well you sold us a dud and that's not fair. You cheated us. We want a re-fund.' Rodney smacked his forehead. This John was suicidal.

Teal'c raised his whip, ready to strike, but then seemed to think better of it. 'Fine, choose another one, I don't care. I just like to act tough.' And with that Teal'c put the whip away and sat down.

Immediatly Jinto started buzzing happily, rocking backwards and forewards trying to capture John's attention.

'How about that one?' John said, pointing at Jinto.

Rodney sighed loudly, barely able to believe what he was about to do. 'Yeah, choose that one. I can guarentee he will help you get all of your work done.' He needed to be sick, he couldn't believe he just stuck up for the stupid little brat.

'Okay, okay. That one will do, just hurry up,' the old man said. John fixed up the papers with Teal'c who cursed Apophis loudly as the four of them departed.

Rodney shuffled along slowly as Jinto rolled along beside him. Now they were slaves to some guy who obviously didn't own a brush and some old man who Rodney suspected was related to Batman. His day just kept getting worse and worse ... he just hoped they didn't use whips too.

end

Note: I'm sorry that wasn't exactally the best chapter. I just had to get it out of the way. It's always tough having characters meet up and I dunno, I'm just making excuses. Thanks to my reviewers and sorry it is VERY random and sorry the spelling sucks so bad, but hey, it's fun to write. Next chapter ... character death (NOOOOOOOOOOOO!) but expect Daniel Jackson to make an appearence. Woohoo! That'll chear you up!


	3. Chapter 3: Danny Boy

Note: Back again! Woohoo! Have been reading Harry Potter, am finnsihed, hurrah! Very sad, very sad ... so I dedicate this chapter to the death of ... well, the person that dies. Ahhh, empty house, peace and quiet. Perfect for writing the next chapter which is much longer and much more interesting ... well, hope you enjoy.

**Furlings are Cats:** Lol, yes, you've gotta love that little msn fellow. You've never heard the saying "as happy as larry?" thats crazy. I'll have to discuss that one with you later.

**sgafan33:** thanking you kindly for the review and for those ideas. I do wish I could have done things a LITTLE differenty, but still, it's okay for now. At the end I can get cranky about what I did and didn't do. Glad you like it though and have so many ideas. The only reason I didn't make the characters to obvious was that I was trying to pull away from the ACTUAL story a little bit, cause if it was all too predictable, you'd all know the ending then. But the ending to this one will be slightly different.

Disclaimer: Oh please, like I'm good enough to own StarGate or StarWars. Anything you notice to be property of either of these 2 things is obviously NOT mine as I am not George Lucas OR MGM. Thankyou.

**StarWars: Atlantis!**

**Chapter 3: Danny Boy!**

John sighed loudly as they approuched the small bubble shape of their farm home. He had never been happier to see his home. Now all he had to do was go to his room and bolt the door shut so that he could get away from their annoying new slave, Rodney. He was starting to seriously regret choosing the dome-headed boy, Jinto, as well. The boy never said a word, just beeped and whistled ... John hadn't the faintest idea what he was saying. Then there was Rodney who wouldn't stop talking about himself - it was enough to drive John completly insane.

'Well, I'm off,' said John, heading for his room as they entered the house.

'Oh, no you're not,' his Uncle barked at his retreating back.

John paused and clenched his fists. What the heck could his Uncle want with him now? Surely not more work, he had the slaves to do it now.

'These slaves need a good cleaning ... And, I want you to do it.' John blinked at his Uncle for a bit. Because he had to be kidding, they wern't cripples, they could wash themselves. He had just opened his mouth to say so when the slave, Rodney, did it for him.

'We're not retards you know,' he yelled in an outraged tone. 'I'm sure I can wash myself.'

But Uncle Bowen complely ignored Rodney and glared at his nephew untill John gave in. 'OKay, fine ... I'll go wash the stupid slaves.' And with that he signelled for Rodney and Jinto to follow him as he headed towards the old garden shed.

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Rodney had never been so humiliated in his whole life. He didn't wanna be cleaned by anyone, he wasn't even dirty. But it seemed John was intent on doing what his Uncle said ... so, he pushed both Jinto and Rodney into a giant bowl of greese.

'What the ...?' Rodney managed to yell before being thrown in. Dripping with greese he stepped out of the giant bowl and cleaned himself off as best he could with a towel that John had given him. 'Greese? You moron, that wont make us clean. Your dumber then you look.'

John ignored him, sighing loudly and plonking himself down on a nearby bench. Jinto let out an extremely angry squeel as he finally managed to hoist himself out of the bowl of greese. 'You said it kid,' Rodney said, rolling his eyes. He still didn't understand what Jinto was saying, but he could preety much work it out now that he was getting to know the kid a little better.

'Why do I have to do all of his stupid dirty work all the time?' John asked noone in particular, still ignoring Rodney and Jinto.

Rodney didn't like being ignored, so he threw his towel at John, who still didn't notice. 'Oy, idiot!' Rodney shouted, this time throwing a rotten plank of wood at him. John still didn't turn around.

Rodney rolled his eyes at Jinto, who was rummaging around in his pockets for something, looking extremely excited.

'What's he doing?' John had finally snapping out of his slump and looking at Jinto with new found interest.

'So you pay attention to the kid, but not me ... nice one,' said Rodney angrily as he hit John over the head with a shovel. John simply stared at Jinto.

Finally Jinto let out another excited squeel, which could have been translated as 'I found it,' for at that moment he pulled out a small little device which he held in his hand looking triumphant.

'What's that?' John asked, and to Rodney's annoyance he was looking at him when he asked.

'How should I know ya twit? Little brat gets weirder and weirder every moment ...'

But Rodney trailed off for he suddenly remembered about Princess Teyla and the recording device that she had given Jinto.

John took the device from Jinto's hand and began inspecting it. 'How do you get it to work?' he asked.

Rodney stared, again John had addressed the question at him. 'I don't know, what am I answer man? Figure it out yourself.'

John scowled at Rodney, then continued to inspect the device. After what felt like hours he was STILL at it, scratching his head as he turned it over and over, as though looking for instructions as to how to operate it.

'Oh give me that,' Rodney said, finally getting angry and impatient. And he yanked the device from Johns hand.

'Hey, I nearly had it then,' John shouted angrily, grabbing Rodney by the wrist and trying to prise the device from his clamy grip.

'Oh, pa-lease,' Rodney breathed. 'The only thing you nearly had was a brain explosion from thinking to hard - OUCH!'

John had bitten Rodney who was forced to let go of the device immediatly. John stumbled backwards from the unexpectancy of Rodneys quick decission to let go and fell on his backside.

'Stupid thing ... WORK!' he yelled loudly. And to his and everyone else's great surprise the device bounced out of his hands and into the centre of the room where it hummed gently for a short while before letting out a beam of light. In the centre of the light, Rodney could make out a very familiar, beautiful and skimply dressed women ... Princess Teyla.

Jinto screeched happily and rocked backwards and forwards, Rodney would have tried to make him hold still but he was too busy watching the holographic Teyla. What had she recorded?

The hologram flickered for a while then she spoke. 'Help me Danny Boy ... you are my only hope!'

Princess Teyla bent down as if to switch off something, perhaps the device itself. Then it flickered again and she was upright once more. 'Help me Danny Boy ... you are my only help,' she repeated once more. Then, once again she bent down as if to turn off the device.

Rodney stared dumbstruck at the recording as it repeated over and over again. He couldn't believe they had risked their lives to deliver THIS message to some person called "Danny Boy". What sort of a person called themselves that? Certainly noone who was going to be able to help them. The messgae flickered again and re-played over. This was pointless, some message ... Princess Teyla was obviously stupider then she was preety.

'Sh - she's BEAUTIFUL,' John stuttered, transfixed on the flickering, half naked, holographic women in front of him.

'Well duh!' Rodney said, and at that moment the message cut out.

John blinked, as though waking from a dream and looked over at Rodney and Jinto. 'Who is she? Where did you get this?'

'Forget that, who the heck is Danny Boy? Whoever he is, she seemed to think he could help us.' Rodney scratched his chin thoughtfully.

'But who IS she?' John asked, looking misty eyed.

'SHE is Princess Teyla, leader of his people,' Rodney indecated Jinto with his head. 'And she needed our help to bring this pointless message to some moron named "Danny Boy".'

'And who is HE?' John asked.

Rodney picked up another plank of wood and smacked it against the top of John's head. It splintered into tiny peices but John didn't even flinch. 'I already told you I don't know you messy haired freak!'

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Before dinner John was instructed to lock up Jinto and Rodney in the shed. He had racked his brain trying to think of who Princess Teyla had been talking about but he still had no idea. He didn't know much about this Teyla women, apart from the fact she was really, really good-looking, but he did know that he wanted to help her at any cost. So at dinner he told his Uncle and Aunt what the slaves had shown him.

'What's bothering you?' his Aunt asked as, destracted, he sent a pea flying across the table.

'Well, it's something that Jinto showed me ...' and he told his Aunt and Uncle about the hologram, Princess Teyla and her plea for help to the mysterious "Danny Boy". As he was recounting the story, a light suddenly switched on inside his head, and outside, as his Aunt had only just remembered she forgot to turn the dining room light on.

'You don't think he meant old Daniel do you?' His Uncle snorted and mashed potato came out his nose. His Aunt quickly ran to get him a tissue.

'Old Daniel is an old fool,' Bowen started, trying his very best to keep his voice even. 'He couldn't help anyone do anything, now eat your peas ... I don't wanna hear another word on this matter.'

But john didn't want to eat his peas, he wanted to know more. 'It must be him. Who else could it be?'

'Look John, Daniel is an old alcoholic who lives up in the mountains -'

'And he's really let himself go with that beard,' his Aunt decided to throw in. Uncle Bowen continued as though he had never been interupted.

'-those slaves should not even have remembered all of this, they're suposed to have their memories erased before there sold to anyone. Tomorrow I want you to take them back to that big bald fellow and tell him you want their memories completly wiped.'

John glared at his Uncle, he wasn't going to do it. He didn't want their memories erased, he didn't want any more work. He opened his mouth to protest, but his Uncle yelled and he decided it better just to keep his mouth shut.

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Next morning John woke up almost before the sun had set. He dressed quickly and brushed his teeth. Looking in the mirror he decided his hair was just fine the way it was. 'I think it can go another day without being brushed,' he told his reflection, winking at himself in approval.

He headed down to the shed draging his feet. It appeared as though he didn't have a choice, he would have to take the slaves back to Teal'c to get their minds wiped. He cursed Apophis loudly. He had no idea who he was, but it felt good to curse him.

When he got to the shed, he went to open the door, but found that it was already unlocked. He stepped inside cautiously and looked around. 'Hello?' he asked the room, but the only answer he got was his own echo.

'You're so hot!' he shouted real loudly, smiling to himself as the room repeated it over and over again.

'I love you John!' Again the room repeated his words over and over as John laughed out loud and muttered, 'yeah, I know.'

'What in Thor's name are you doing you dork?' came a voice from over in the corner of the room. John jumped a mile and landed on his backside once again. He rubbed his sore butt as he walked towards Rodney.

'What are you doing hiding in the corner? And who the heck is Thor?' John asked, stunned to hear that there was no more echo.

'I was looking for something ...' he said, looking guilty and trailing off.

'What?' John asked. 'And who is Thor?' he added.

'If you must know I was looking for Jinto, stupid brat's run off somewhere.'

John gasped. His Uncle would kill him. 'Well, where's he gone? And for goodness sakes Rodney, who is Thor?'

'I don't know where he went, he said something about having to help Teyla, then something about Danny Boy ... then he just took off and I remembered I couldn't understand him, so I must have just imagined he said that and -'

'Snap out of it man,'John said, shaking Rodney violently for he was beginning to rant. 'You need to get a hold of yourself and tell me who Thor is.'

'He ran towards the mountains, seemed to think that's where he was -'

'Why didn't you say that in the first place Rodney? For Thor's sake! To the mountains!' And with that John pointed rather dramatically towards the mountains and bounded out the door.

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Jinto had no idea where he was headed, he had no idea what he was doing at all really. All he knew was that he had to help Princess Teyla and the only way he was going to do that was if he followed out her wishes and found this "Danny Boy" whom she believed could help her.

It was easy enough picking the lock on the shed door. Jinto had always been very resourceful. After that, he had listened into Johns converstaion with his Aunt and Uncle over dinner and had decided to take the chance that this old, bearded and alcoholic man in the mountains was most definitely the one Teyla had been talking about. He had no proof, just a gut feeling and John seemed so sure.

It was easy enough to give Rodney the slip, he didn't feel so bad, but he regretted not telling John where he was going. He had taken a liking to John, he was a good owner. That greese bath had done wonders for his acne. Pity it couldn't have cured his allergy to sand. And with that thought he sneezed violenty as another grain of sand swept up his nostril.

The sneeze echoed around the mountain tops and everything seemed to go awkwardly quiet. Then, out of nowhere, Jinto heard a shout. 'Jaffa Kree,' the voice called and others called back.

Jinto panicked. Suddenly out of nowhere there were at least 5 scary looking people. They had weird armour on, girlish skirts and weird tatoos on their forehead. Jinto thought they looked rather stupid, but he jumped as they raised their weapons above their heads and screamed 'KREE KREE KREE KREE!' to their sandy surroundings.

'I'm a goner,' he squeeled, although he knew noone could understand him. One of the weird yet strangly threatening men pointed his weapon at Jinto and fired. Jinto braced himself for the impact, but instead of front on it came from the side. Something colided with him and he felt a heavy weight as he hit the sand and sneezed. Turning around he came face to face with John, who had obviously just saved his life.

Jinto thanked him, but John mearly looked at him confused. One of the strange men took his moment of confusion to his advantage and appreared right above him. John hadn't seen so Jinto called out.

'Look out behind you John!' But John didn't understand and within moments he was knocked out. Jinto struggled to push him aside then lept to his feet, ready to fight. But he was struck on the back of the head and he collapsed onto the sand once more.

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John was with Princess Teyla ... she was hugging him, laughing happily ... he had saved the day ... she had pulled away now ... but he wouldn't let her. He drew her closer to him ... closer ... closer - AND HOLY THOR SHE HAD A BEARD!

'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,' John shouted as he looked horrorstruck at the man in front of him.

'Easy there, John. It's me, Daniel Jackson. You remember me don't you?'

John clutched at his aching head and smiled sheepishly at the stanger, who was not really a stranger as John preety much knew who he was. 'Sorry, I was ... dreaming.'

'You're very lucky, those Jaffa were just about ready to finish the three of you off,' Daniel said, looking very concerned.

John suddenly remembered the others. 'Rodney ... Jinto ... are they alright?'

'They're fine, just unconcious at the moment,' Daniel said, rubbing his beard thoughtfully. 'It's been a while since I've seen you John. To what do I owe the pleasure.'

At that moment there was a small whirring noise and Jinto sat up from his resting spot feet from where John was. He had a faceful of sand and sneezed violently.

'Him,' John said, pointing at Jinto. 'Crazy thing couldn't pass up the chance to see you.'

Jinto caught site of Daniel and beeped excitedly, he whirred and buzzed and Daniel mearly laughed.

'Woah! Calm down there kid ... relax. Who needs my help?'

'You can understand him?' John asked, a little surprised. How could Daniel Jackson, the drunken, bearded, old fool who lived in the mountain, understand Jinto.

'Of course I understand him. Now, explain to me again.'

Jinto beeped and whirred once more, but his tone was slower and less high pitched. He finished just as Rodney rolled over and swore loudly.

'Rodney! You OKay?' John asked, as Rodney tried to stand up a little shakily.

'No, I'm not.' Rodney looked around slightly disorientated and blinked at Daniel. 'Who the heck are you?'

'I'm Daniel Jackson,' Daniel said, as though that simple statement answered all of their questions.

'Also known as Danny Boy,' John said. 'Am I right?'

Daniels eyes sort of misted over and he suddenly seemed very distant. 'I haven't been called that in years.'

There was silence as everyone looked around rather awkwardly. 'So ...' John began, having nothing in particular to say, but just wanting to break the silence.

'So, it sounds as though someone needs my help,' Daniel finished for him. 'Who is this Princess Teyla that the boy speaks of?'

'I supose it's easiest if we show you, Daniel,' John said, getting to his feet. 'Come on back to my place, we'll show you the message there.'

end

Note: Well there you have it, Chapter 3 finished. I must admit I was going to write more for this chapter, but I decided to leave it there. Hope you liked it. It was preety fun to write actually, a lot more was happening. Plenty more to come in the next chapter don't you all worry. So yeah, party hard and don't forget your shoes. I love you all who are still reading this. Brownie Points for you.


	4. Chapter 4: O'Neill and Dexbucca

Note: All I can say is don't ask. The chapter title shakes head I have no idea why I felt it necessary to add bucca onto the end of Dexs' name. I didn't bother changing anyone elses' to suit the old name, but heck, I juts felt I had to do it. I'm sure you'll enjoy it despite the crazy character name, one can only hope anyway. I kinnda think it suits him anyway. Teal'c was originaly going to be chewbucca, but then someone from SG-A, may have been Flanigan, said that Dex was like Sheppards Chewbucca, so I thought, why not! There's a bit of background for you. Just to point out that I did put SOME thought into this story.

**fififolle:** I'm glad you like the roles I gave the characters. And I'm glad you're having fun. Hope this chapter provides even more fun. It did for me, I was having a blast as I wrote it.

**Drew Ainsley:** A writer always loves to here that their randomness is appreciated, hoza! Yeah he is more of a haun type, but if he was then he wouldn't have been the main character, he seems a little quiet now but once Jack takes him under his wing he'll be a Solo through and through.

**DreamWriter16:** I'm glad you like it, and regarding the page dividers. They are there, maybe you cant see them, I'm not too sure, I did ask around. A few can see a few can't. Maybe I missed one out on a part you thought there should be on. I dunno, hopefully there working for you now cause I know how annoying that can be.

Disclaimer: Oh please, like I'm good enough to own StarGate or StarWars. Anything you notice to be property of either of these 2 things is obviously NOT mine as I am not George Lucas OR MGM. Thankyou.

**StarWars: Atlantis!**

**Chapter 4: O'Neill and Dexbucca!**

It didn't take them long to get back to John's place. In fact, yes it did, a VERY long time. Very slow and painful, but for the sake of an interesting story we wont go into those details now. Maybe later in the uncut version we may dare venture into the unknown of what happened when John Sheppard, Daniel Jackson, Rodney and Jinto traveled back to John's pathetic little hut home.

Once there they quickly made a bee line for John's shed. He didn't want his Aunt and Uncle seeing Daniel Jackson, they didn't seem very fond of him. As soon as they got inside everyone rounded on Jinto.

'OKay,' Daniel said, 'lets see this Princess Teyla and the message.'

Everyone stared at Jinto expectantly as he just stood there, blinking up at them.

'Well ...?' John asked, eager to see Teyla and her half-naked form once more.

Once again everyone stood in silence waiting for Jinto to start up the cry for help again. He didn't even seem to be looking for the recording device. He just stood there.

'PLAY THE STUPID MESSAGE!' Rodney yelled, loosing his temper and grabbing Jinto by the cuff of his shirt.

Jinto let out a small beep and Rodney stopped shaking him.

'What do you mean what message? The message you showed us before! The one with Princess Teyla ...' and Rodney slowly drifted off as his eyes glazed over, obviously in deep thought over the beautiful Princess Teyla.

John took a moment to reflect too. Then they all realised that Daniel was leaning over something in the middle of the room. 'Is this it?' he asked, picking up the small device and inspecting it carefully.

'That's it!' Rodney shouted bouncing up and down. 'Play it, play it, play it!'

Daniel turned the device over and over, but didn't seem to be able to find a switch. He stuck his tounge in between his teeth as he searched.

Rodney began to get impatient again. 'Oh, give it here, I'll get it working.'

He reached out to snatch the device from Daniel, but it suddenly sprang to life once more and Teyla's extremely revealing out fit once again appeared on the screen, Teyla inside of them, but only barely. This time however the message was different, longer ...

'I have been captured by the Lord Ba'al in case you haven't realised by now. I am in much need of your help. He called me a traitor, I don't know why ... what have I done? My people have been captured, my planet destroyed, I'm beginning to loose hope. I must save the world, I must save my people, I must get myself a more revealing out fit ...'

Everyone in the room nodded at this last coment. They all agreed, after all, that skimpy little top and poor excuse for a skirt was far too much cover up for someone so beautiful.

'... I have sent this message along with my most trusted side kick because I need your help, I hope this reaches you well. Help me Danny Boy, you are my only hope.'

And for the last time she bent down, switched off the device and all went dark once more.

'Wow!' Rodney uttered, as he stared doen at where Teyla had pleaded minutes before. 'Just ... WOW!'

'So ... have you heard of her?' John asked, recovering from his trance.

'No I haven't, but heck if she needs my help, I better help.' Daniel stood up quickly and put one hand on his hip. 'To the bat mobile,' he shouted and he ran out of the door.

John looked at Rodney, Rodney looked at Jinto, Jinto looked at John, who looked at Rodney, who looked at Jinto. And Daniel came back into the shed. 'Maybe we should rest up first' ... And they all agreed.

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John tossed and turned in his blanket on the hard shed floor. He had had a nightmare that Rodney was kissing Teyla ... it was horrible. He shuddered at the memory.

'Can't sleep hey?' Daniel asked.

John spun around. Daniel was sitting on an old directors chair with a rather old looking remote like thing in his hand.

'What's that?' John asked curiously.

Daniel smiled kindly then took a sip from the can of beer that he had in his hand. John was just wondering where the heck he had gotten the beer when Daniel replied.

'It was your fathers,' he said, swirling the contents of the can around thoughtfully.

John's heart skipped a beat, his stomache girgled, he went cross eyed ... Daniel knew his father.

'You knew my father?'

'Of course I knew him, I trained him John.'

'T-trained him?'

'Oh yes, your father was strong with the Gene. I trained him to use it, become one with it. It's just a shame I didn't train him well enough.' Daniel closed his eyes and sighed loudly.

'Strong with the Gene?' John asked, rather confused.

'Yes John. The ancient Gene. He had it and you have it. With a little training up I'm sure you could be just as good.'

'What happened to my father?' John asked very interested now. So much he was staring at Daniel in a very frightening way.

'I'm afraid he died.'

'How?'

'Lord Ba'al!' Daniel said, in a deep, dramatic voice that made John raise an eyebrow.

'So you've heard of this Lord Ba'al then?' John asked, remembering Teyla.

'Oh yes I've heard of him alright. Tricked your father he did. Made him think that he was his friend and then he betrayed him ... murdered him.' Daniel sat there for a moment, then raised the can once more and took a very loud slurp of beer.

John clentched his fists. He hadn't yet met this Ba'al but when he did, he'd destroy him himself. First he captured Princess Teyla, the love of his life, then he killed his father ... Well, not necessarily in that order ... and Teyla wasn't really the love of his life ... Why had she kissed Rodney and not him?

'Your father wanted you to have this John,' Daniel said, handing the remote like instrument over to John.

'What is it?'

'It's an ancient weapon that only those with the Gene can use. You must have a sharp mind and quick reflexes to use it properly. I'd show you John, but I'm a little bit tipsy right now,' Daniel finnished, getting to his feet and stumbling slightly. He giggled as his beer sloshed onto the floor.

'Thank you,' John said, admiring the device in his hand. 'I'll keep it on me at all times.'

'Good for you,' Daniel said. 'Now wake the other's up, we need to get out of here so that we can rescue Teyla from Ba'al.'

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It took them a fair while to get into town, manely because Rodney had wanted to drive and he drove like an old Grandma. John hadn't told his Aunt and Uncle what he was doing and he didn't regret it. He was a big boy now and he could make his own decisions in life.

'Where are we going exactally?' John asked Daniel who was singing about a women named Oma.

'To the pub my dear boy. To the pub.'

John couldn't beleive Daniel was thinking about drinking at a time like this. They had to rescue Princess Teyla, not sit around drinking. Maybe it made him work harder, John thought. He suddenly felt like a nice cold one himself.

Jinto beeped loudly, almost as if in protest.

'Not to drink my dear child, no!' Daniel said, shaking his head. 'We need to find a pilot that's more then willing to take us to Ba'als ship.'

'Oh crap,' Rodney cursed from the drivers seat. 'Who are these dorks?'

John looked up ahead. They had entered the city but it seemed there was a road block, someone was checking the veichels entering into the city.

'What's going on?' John asked a little confused.

'STOP ASKING ME? I DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING' Rodney screamed as he realised John was addressing his question once again at him.

The creatures inspecting veichles looked very scary, John noticed. They stood like normal people, but there skin was hidious and there faces were almost fish like. They even had weird antenea things sticking out from their chin. One of them seemed to be arguing with a driver of one of the veichles. The driver stepped out of his car and shoved the creature. Bad idea it turned out as the thing, whatever it was, shot out its hand and lunged onto the drivers chest.

'What in Thor's name?' John asked as he watched in horror as the driver slowly got older and older. He was screaming out in terrible, terrible pain and John shuddered.

'Wraith,' Daniel whispered. 'Servents of Darth Ba'al.'

'What do they want?' Rodney asked in a rather squeaky voice.

'My guess is there looking for you actually,' Daniel said as calmly as anything. Then he chuckled and Rodney went deathly pale. In fact, John thought he was actually going to pass out.

'Darth Ba'al must have found out Princess Teyla sent a cry for help. You must have been seen when you escaped, now there looking for any slaves that may know anything about the Princess. Best not to argue with them I think.' Daniel lay back in his seat.

'Best not to argue? You're not going to just hand us over?' Rodney looked like he was going to be sick, Jinto beeped out a tune much like one that would play over a televison show when a person was doomed.

'Of course we're not,' John said in a very quiet voice as he suddenly realised the Wraith were coming towards them.

'Stop humans,' the Wraith said as it approuched the veichle.

A small squeak sounded and John thought it must be Jinto. But it wasn't, it was Rodney.

'Good morning,' Daniel said cheerfully as he whistled a happy tune.

'Are these you're slaves human?' the Wraith asked, glaring hungrily at John.

'Y-yes,' John stuttered, a little afraid.

'Get out of the car,' the Wraith said, looking at Rodney. Rodney turned an odd shade of green and slid lower into the seat. 'NOW!' the Wraith boomed. Daniel chuckled again.

'These arn't the slaves you're looking for,' he said casually.

'How do you know,' the Wraith hissed, turning it's hungry eyes on him.

'We can go about our buisness,' Daniel said, inspecting his nails.

'NO YOU CAN'T' the Wrath boomed, reaching out its arm towards Daniels chest.

'Move along,' Daniel added.

John's head was spinning, was Daniel drunk. He couldn't just say those things and expect the Wraith to take it. The Wraith was upon him it was going to feed.

'Hey, isn't that Colonel Sumner?' Daniel asked, raising his hand and pointing over the Wraiths shoulder. The Wraith growled, turned and ran towards the spot Daniel had pointed. 'Best drive away now whilst he's away,' Daniel coaxed Rodney.

Rodney didn't need telling twice, they were off again in no time.

'That was incredible!' John shouted and he actually laughed. 'How did you do that to the Wraith?'

'It's simple John,' Daniel said, his eyes twinkling. 'When one is as strong with the Gene as I am, anything is possible.'

John looked stunned. 'You have the Gene?'

'Of couse I do, I've even ascended twice.'

John had no idea what being ascended meant, but it sounded impressive.

'Ahhh, at last we're here.' Daniel stepped out of the car, as did John. Rodney and Jinto made to follow but Daniel held up a hand to stop them.

'I think you should stay outside, bar folk don't take kindly to slaves,' Daniel said as gently as possible.

'But what about the Wraith?' Rodney asked, horrorstruck. Jinto nodded in aggrement.

'Oh they wont be back for a while,' Daniel said reasuringly. And with that he grabbed hold of John and together they entered the bar.

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Jack O'Neill was a pilot and a bloody good one at that. At least he thought so. He owned the fastest ship ever and whilst he wasn't ultimately in command, he'd never admit that. 'The Millenium Prometheus', that's what he called her and together with his best mate Dexbucca - the gigantic, dread-locked and furry alien friend of his, they rulled the galaxy.

He patted the Zat gun that rested in his pocket as Dex moved aside for their 'friend', to sit down.

'Maybourne wants his money now O'Neill,' the newcomer, a strange alien with a long pointy nose and small, watery eyes on two long stalks said in a language unbeknownst to most. But Jack understood.

'Tell Maybourne that he'll get his money, eventually, I just don't have it right now.' Jack kept his hand on his Zat gun, this was going to get out of hand, he could tell.

'He said he needs it now and that if you don't have it, I'm to take your dead body to him instead.'

'Ya see, now that's not nice,' Jack said leaning over the table. Dexbucca cracked his knuckles loudly, the stalk alien didn't flinch, rather he rested his hand on something in his own pocket. Jack knew it was a weapon.

'This dosn't have to get messy,' the alien said, moving it's eyes down so they were level with Jack's. Just pay up and all will be square.'

'Even if I wanted to I couldn't, I don't have the money, I'm not in charge anymore.'

'Then who is?' the alien opened it's eyes widly. It was curious, if it couldn't get the money from Jack at least it could give Maybourne some good news.

'I'm not going to tell you that.' Jack didn't like not being in charge of his own ship, but he wasn't about to dob in the person that was just yet, he didn't want her killed.

'Fine, if you wont talk and you wont pay, then brace yourself O'Neill,' and the creature pulled out a gun from under the table and aimed it at Jacks head.

Jack could have shot him. Two shots wth the Zat and he'd be dead, but that wasn't fun. 'Dex, ol' buddy,' Jack said, smiling at his large friend.

'This lump of locks,' the creature laughed, 'you think he can finish me?' The gun was turned on Dex now instead, but the creature didn't even get a chance to fire. Dex had punched him so hard the creatures head hit the wall and exploded.

'That-a-boy,' Jack said. 'I'll buy the next round.'

Dex smiled as he wiped the creatures goo from off his fist and helped himself to another free round of drinks.

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John entered the bar with Daniel and his jaw dropped through the floor, making a hole in the hard concrete. He had never seen so many weird looking people. There were funny little fellows in outrageous outfits and hair as wild as a wild forest; men in strange silver suits that seemed to be walking through tables and chairs; weird, flat faced, prehistoric creatures joined all the other weirdo's too and John could have sworn he heard someone call them Unas.

'Wait at the bar for me John, I'm going to see who I can find creaping around here,' Daniel said, and with that he disappeared into the mass of aliens and stuff.

John took a seat at the bar next to a man that could have almost passed as human, save for his squashed nose and the six antenea coming out of his head. John smiled nervously at him.

'What do you want?' the man asked, picking up his glass and smashing it on the table.

'N-nothing,' John said stunned.

'Don't give me that you messy haired freak. We don't take kindly to your folk around here,' the man continued as he picked up the bar stool and threw it to the ground.

'Look, that's fine, I understand,' John said, trying to flatten his hair but failing miserably. 'I just want to sit here, okay. I wont do anything to annoy you, I promise.'

'Don't promise to me you pathetic fly boy,' the guy yelled, slaming his fist down onto the bar and snapping it in two. 'You are so dead, that's the last straw.'

And without warning the flat nosed freak with the six antenea grabbed John by the colar and sent him flying across the room.

John struggled to stand but was simply pushed back down again by the same alien creap.

'Your gonna die. You and your stupid hair!' The man rushed towards the fallen John but never made it in one peice. For at that moment a flashing light split through the air and the creature was cut into two. He fell to the floor and didn't move.

John looked up at the glowing light. It seemed to be a weapon of some kind, and holding that weapon was ... Daniel Jackson.

'On your feet John,' Daniel said, sticking out a hand and hoisting John to his feet.

'Daniel, is that ... do I have ... What is that?' he asked, starring at the weapon Daniel still showed off in his hand.

'It's a lightsaver, saves light, can only be used by those with the Gene. And yes John, it's the same weapon I gave you earlier.' Daniel smiled at John as he pressed a button on his lightsaver and the glowing beam of light was deactivated.

Several of the near-by aliens slowly backed away from Daniel. 'That's right ... WALK AWAY!' Daniel shouted after them and then ordered himself a drink.

'Did you find anyone?' John asked, taking a seat next to Daniel at the broken bar.

'Sure did,' Daniel said as he finnished his first drink and moved onto another. 'That guy just over there.'

Daniel pointed to a strange pair over in a dark corner of the bar. One man looked very scrappy looking with grey hair and a very 'Indiana Jones' look about him. The other, who John wasn't even sure was a man untill his second take was at least 6'8", with long, dread-locked hair and muscles the size of mountains. They didn't look like the kind of people John would like to be partners with.

'Errr, I don't think it's such a good i-' John began to tell Daniel, but Daniel was on his feet in seconds, his third beer clasped firmly in his hand.

'Noncense John, come over and I'll introduce you.'

John was shoved into the seat next to the mountain muscle man and grinned sheepishly. The man didn't smile back.

'This is Dexbucca, John,' Daniel said, and the large man nodded, his dread-locks swishing dangerously. 'And this is Jack O'Neill.'

The grey headed man sighed loudly as though bored and crossed his arms.

'What do you two want?' Jack asked, raising an eye brow and still looking unimpressed.

'We need you to fly us to a ship, ruled by one of the evilest people in the Universe, to rescue a Princess who has nothing whatsoever to ofter us, with two slaves who are being chased by life sucking aliens.' Daniel took a sip from his beer as John blinked at him. They were never going to get these people to take them now.

'Sure, whatever you say nerd-boy,' Jack said, chuckling slightly. Obviously he didn't believe him. 'How much are you willing to pay us for this little - er - ADVENTURE, of yours?'

Daniel raised an eyebrow. 'Ah, yes of course. Hmmm, let me see. John?' he turned to John who looked at him quizically. 'How much money have you got?'

John screwed up his face. He didn't have any money. 'None.'

'Oh well, once we sell your car and a few of your other pocessions we should have plenty. How does $100, 000 sound?'

John chocked, Jack spat his drink out all over the table, a cow mooed, a door slamed and Dex just sat there. '$100 000? You've got yourself a deal nerd,' Jack said excitedly.

'W-wait a minute,' John said. There was no way they were going to get that sort of money from his crappy stuff. 'There's no -'

But Daniel kicked his shin rather roughly and John decided to close his mouth.

'Good-o, that's settled then. We'll meet you in the ship docks, tomorrow morning. How does that sound?' Daniel finnished off his beer and shook hands with the all too eager Jack. Then they made their way back outside to tell Jinto and Rodney the news. Whilst the three of them couldn't be happier, John had a sick feeling in his stomache. This was not going to turn out well at all.

end

Note: Another chapter down. Woot! That one was fun, I like Dex. A nice long chapter for all of faithful readers. All 5 of you or something like that, lol. OKay, next chapter they should be on the ship, up, up and away and Dr. Weir makes an appearence. Hurrah! Another Atlantis character. I realise I sorta crossed over with Sg-1 a bit, but hey. What can I say! Anyway enjoy and sorry it took a while to update.


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